One of the many lonely struggles of being a single mommy!

Okay so I knew that when I left my husband it was going to be hard, especially with 3 kids, but I think I underestimated just how hard. Let me start over,  I was single long before I left him a little over a month ago considering I have always gotten up with the kids since the day they were all born.

My youngest was sick this past week with something awful: fever, no appetite, sleeplessness, cranky, diaper rash, & ear problems. Ugh! As if that wasn't enough to send any mother screaming, I have school & I'm up until at least midnight every night then up again the next morning by 6am. 

Gee, doesn't that sound just delightful ;)

Okay I'm done moping now. Anyways when I was still with my husband (albeit that was only a little over a month ago) I was a single mother for several years before that. 

You know what though, I would have loved  (actually still do) to just once when a child is sick NOT have to get up with them & get a full nights sleep. Really, its not that I don't love each one of my children more than I could ever explain, its just I haven't had a full nights sleep in over 5 years now. When I planned on having children I NEVER planned on doing it all by myself! *What single mother does, right?!

He's breastfed & will be 10 months tomorrow so he would wake up at least 1 time a night to nurse, normally. This past week from Tuesday until last night Thursday I was awakened at least 6 times from midnight until 6am, AHHH! That is so insane that I can not even believe that I functioned the next day for a utter lack of rest. 

I know they say a mother can stretch on when her children need her, but isn't it also true that I too need to be at my ultimate level so I can be the best mother for my children. 

I've thought of trying to start an organized play group for some stay at home mommies in my area (its a REALLY small town) so that we could get to know one another, get out of the house, & just get a break. *You know when you put kids together its easier to focus on something else, well at least when their not siblings, lol!

So my lonely struggle for this week as a single mommy was actually one that I had been handling all along, just hadn't noticed. 

SLEEP DEPRIVATION!!

The End of A Changing Year

This year was one of love, hate, chaos, drama, tears, compassion, fear, anger, terror, laughs, fun, trips, lost jobs, new lifes, lots of changes & so much more! I have come full circle from the person I was at the beginning of this year & I am starting a completely new chapter in my life. I have learned & learned again that life is what you make of it. I know that the decisions we make will have a determination in the next stone we step onto down the path we are taking, but I honestly believe that our lives are compliation of where we have been & who we have been around. 

My children are watching me struggle with lack of sleep & energy so that I can study hours into the night & early morning. I know that in 3 years when I walk across the stage with my 3 children in the audience & they watch me get my Master's Degree, it will be one of the proudest days of my life! 

I know that going into this year I am a single mother, something I NEVER planned for nor wanted, but here I am starting a new year & new decade as a single mother of 3 children, 5 years of age & under, no real home of our own & without so much. Yet what we do have is love & each other! I know that I wouldn't spend the beginning of this year any other way...with my babies! 

We are 4 strong & will stick together, through it all! I know its going to be tough, & we will have to jump many holes along the way to find the finish line, but I know that I can do it, I can feel it within me so deep that I cry every time I think about it. 

I am strong, I am loved, I am funny, I am compassionate, I am me, I am a friend, I am a mother, I am a sister, I am a daughter, I am a step-daughter, I am a grand daughter, I am a neice, I am a Christian saved by the grace of God, I am a fighter, I am a best friend, I am the person who knows that she needs to keep on in order to find herself & accomplish her goals & find her dreams! I am me...Katrina B. Smith