New Territory

As many of you know I am a NEW single mother who was previously a stay at home mother. Now even though these two may not seem very different when you say them, let me tell you they are! Right now I seem comfortable where I am, because we are staying with my mother, I don't work, I'm going to school...all and all someone else is keeping us up (let me tell you that just stabs my pride right in the bulls eye when I say that)!

I want a life for myself & my children more than I can ever explain but life without a partner is so scary that I am actually fearful of getting out on my own. Now I do have a plan, that when I finish school or at least finish this first year (I will have my AABA at that point) try to obtain gainful employment & make a home elsewhere for myself & my children...I do plan on my mother moving in with us where I can take care of her needs as she has done for us.

Although most people would think crave independence, I am fearing it again! I do enjoy privacy (something that I NEVER get here) & would definitely enjoy having my own home & decorating my children's rooms...that is a very daunting task! Being on my own ALL the time, never having anyone around except the kids (who by the way don't do very much for me in the way of adult conversation) just makes me want to live with my mother forever.

Now don't get me wrong for one minute my mother & I have such similar personalities that we are each others throats constantly. We love one another & would walk the earth for each other, but I just can't seem to find a place in my head where I don't want her included.

Yes I want love again, yes I want a relationship again...but honestly living with her is so much easier than living with any man! If we have a disagreement we argue, then move on...its over, we've said our peace!

Does this make me so childish, lazy, immature, dependent to say or feel these things? Should I just grow up & move on? I mean living the way I had with my ex- for the last 5 years (today was our anniversary actually) was horrible, I tried & tried but it just never got any better.

How do you feel about this? Should I just grow up & move out? Am I immature or lazy for feeling this way? How would you feel? Have you been in my shoes? What were your feelings? Really tell me!!