I spend so much time during most days fussing with the kids, fussing with my mama, or just being upset about something (no I'm not depressed or a sad person, just seems like I'm always arguing with someone) that I never really take the time to look at how blessed I really am & how happy I really am!
Sometimes days go by without the thought crossing my mind of how much of a blessing each one of my children are..& when it finally does come to mind I guilt myself into feeling like a bad mother because I don't cherish the time I have with my children more!!
I know as a stay at home mother (currently) I am so blessed because I have the ability to see my children all day & interact with them all the day! I really would not have it any other way, but life has dealt me another hand of cards from the ones I originally got dealt & now our lives have completely changed...I dread going to work, not because I don't want to or can't or because I'm lazy...but because I will miss my babies!! I cry as I sit here & read this, because it wasn't supposed to be this way, I was supposed to stay home with them & raise them, not someone else (mind you my mother will take wonderful care of my children & if I have to go to work I would not want anyone else watching them) but its not the same as me being here!
I know that in time, they will become closer to her than me, because they will see her more & I can't help but be jealous of her...not because I want my children to have less of a relationship, because they need all the love they can get seeing that she is their ONLY grandmother! Its just that I don't want to miss a thing, I know that I am going to miss Ethan walking, Austin riding his bike without training wheels, laughs, tears & so much more & that just breaks my heart to no end!
What to do? I had my life planned out just the way I had expected for it to go & yet look at me now...nowhere near where I thought it would be, by any means of the definition!
What do you think about it? What would you do? How would you feel?
Tell me I want to know!!
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