Sunday, January 31, 2010

Family Love

I spend so much time during most days fussing with the kids, fussing with my mama, or just being upset about something (no I'm not depressed or a sad person, just seems like I'm always arguing with someone) that I never really take the time to look at how blessed I really am & how happy I really am!

Sometimes days go by without the thought crossing my mind of how much of a blessing each one of my children are..& when it finally does come to mind I guilt myself into feeling like a bad mother because I don't cherish the time I have with my children more!!

I know as a stay at home mother (currently) I am so blessed because I have the ability to see my children all day & interact with them all the day! I really would not have it any other way, but life has dealt me another hand of cards from the ones I originally got dealt & now our lives have completely changed...I dread going to work, not because I don't want to or can't or because I'm lazy...but because I will miss my babies!! I cry as I sit here & read this, because it wasn't supposed to be this way, I was supposed to stay home with them & raise them, not someone else (mind you my mother will take wonderful care of my children & if I have to go to work I would not want anyone else watching them) but its not the same as me being here!

I know that in time, they will become closer to her than me, because they will see her more & I can't help but be jealous of her...not because I want my children to have less of a relationship, because they need all the love they can get seeing that she is their ONLY grandmother! Its just that I don't want to miss a thing, I know that I am going to miss Ethan walking, Austin riding his bike without training wheels, laughs, tears & so much more & that just breaks my heart to no end!

What to do? I had my life planned out just the way I had expected for it to go & yet look at me now...nowhere near where I thought it would be, by any means of the definition!

What do you think about it? What would you do? How would you feel?

Tell me I want to know!!

10 comments:

  1. Well, a think that life is a journey and you never know where it is going to take you so you just have to do the best you can as you go and try to enjoy the ride. It is great that your mom can watch them! Have faith that it will all work out for the best and then make that happen!
    Like your blog!

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  2. You being there for your kids would be ideal but I think you're lucky your mom's going to be caring your kids, not some stranger. I'm assuming you'll still see your kids when you get home from work so you won't miss that much. They will miss you but will be really happy to see you, and you them. Good luck... and thanks for stopping by Hip2bMom.com, following you now, hope you see you back soon.

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  3. I can imagine it must be so difficult making these kinds of decisions. Why is it that life throws up so many crazy curves?!! You have a beautiful place here - best wishes!

    Kristin

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  4. Thankyou for dropping by my blog.Your visits and comments are valueable.

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  5. Following you from FFF on MBC!

    http://stacievaughansblog.blogspot.com

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  6. Sending hugs your way; hang in there!

    (Following from MBC)

    Genny :)

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  7. I feel for you. I'm thinking I need to find a job and I am dreading missing out on all the mom things I have come to love.

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  8. Sometimes things don't always turn out the way they imagine. I know it'll be hard going back to work but your children are alreadyseeing what a strong woman you are. Your children will love and appreciate you even more. They say the heart grows fonder right? It'll all work out. ((hugs))
    Oh yeah, I'm a new follower, you can find me @ http:///www.takingtimeformommy.com

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  9. Now following through MBC :)

    I too think that while it'll be hard, I think it's great that your mom can be there to watch the kids!

    www.thecrunchywife.blogspot.com

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  10. First of all your feelings are totally normal, cry...complain...and rage all you want.

    Secondly, although your mother will be the one handling the daily care...she will never take the place of "mother" in your children's hearts. It is the quality of time that you spend with children, not the quantity. I know you will make every minute that you do have with them really count.

    Invest in a video camera, teach your mom how to use it and let her know how much it would mean to you if she would video tape those special moments you feel you might miss.

    I can't say that I know exactly how you feel, but I understand pain, anger and frustration. I am here if you need an ear. You can email me at crayonwrangler@gmail.com

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