Being Proud!

For all of you out there with children, grandchildren, or heck even pets you know what it means to be proud! Well I never thought in my adult life that I would say I was proud of my daddy for anything other than being a wonderful father. Today was that day & I promise I could NOT be any prouder of anyone else than I am my daddy right now! 

He started a new chapter in his life today & went knowing that when its said & done he's going to be a better man, husband, father, & friend! 

My father is an alcoholic & I say this in hopes that each & every person that reads this sends up a prayer for him. Today he went to detox & will soon be going to rehab once the detox is finished, and let me tell you this was a BIG step for him on so many levels.

You know for years I would defend him to my mother & say he's not an alcoholic, even a few years after I graduated I was still in the mindset that he was okay & nothing was wrong, even tho I had seen so much for so many years.

I don't know what it took for me to see or hear that brought me to the realization that he was indeed an alcoholic, but I knew & from that day forward my life was never the same. I had the fear of loosing him on so many levels. I knew he could die from health problems, die in an accident, kill someone & go to jail, or just go to sleep one night & never wake up. I couldn't take that any more & wasn't going to watch him kill himself.

I knew that he needed to know & that I should tell him how I felt with no looking back for him to see what it was that he was doing to us. I was harsh, possibly even mean, but damnit he listened & I'm glad for every word that I said to him that got through, even just a little bit.

I am scared! Scared for who he will be when he comes home, scared for the parts of him that I might loose along the way of this healing process. I know that he will be so much better for what he 's doing & going through, but will I know the daddy that comes home & will he still love me his 'Scooter' & will we still be so much alike in so many ways. Will he still wear his heart on his sleeve just like he taught me, will be that people person who doesn't meet a stranger, will he always tell me 'I love you' each & every day?? I hope that somehow he finds a piece of himself that I never knew & brings it back with him so that I can know more about the man he used to be before me & the alcohol, the monster that robbed me of so many precious moments with my daddy, the evil that consumed him to the point of breaking up a marriage one that was so unfairly destroyed.  My parents aren't together anymore so I cherish the separate moments I have with each of them, more than you know! I imagined my adulthood so differently from how it has turned out. I imagined my kids going back to the house I grew up in to visit with my parents sitting hand in hand together, waiting on their grand babies. 

Instead I have an extended family, with a step-mother & grandmother, whom I adore dearly. I believe they are both so good for my daddy in so many ways. They love him regardless of this horrible, life consuming, monsterous (my brother said it best) disease. For those of you that think alcoholism isn't a disease, do not be ignorant for one more second. I too thought it was just 'a choice'. It is anything but a choice & I know firsthand from watching my father slowly change into someone I don't know anymore.

I took some sweet pictures today while daddy was here for lunch & I would love to share them with you...I won't get to see him for a while, but I will get to talk to him!

 
Sweetest pictures I've ever taken were those of my parents loving on my children...I couldn't imagine it any other way!!

  Alcoholism is a disease & if you or someone you know is addicted & consumed by this please get help, if you don't know where to turn, PLEASE ask for help...someone loves you & they deserve to have you around & YOU deserve to live your life to the fullest...not controlled by something that doesn't have a brain!!