Friday, December 18, 2009

The Chaos That is Love

You know today started out pretty bad considering none of the kids slept very well and I knew that I had to get up fairly early so Austin and I could head out to pick up his present for the preschool Christmas party, but all in all I feel so blessed it brought me to tears tonight.

I know that as I go through my day I always seem so frazzled, frustrated, disgusted, exhausted and just plain ready to give up but as the night falls and the kids settle into their bedtime routines...I watch them and notice that they are mine and even though becoming a single parent was NEVER something I had ever wanted or planned it has become one of the best blessings in disguise. Although most parents would think how could you feel blessed at being as a single parent of 3 children 5 years of age and under?? Let me tell you how.

My daddy came by today because Ethan had his 9 month check up and he was going to pick Austin up from preschool, so he needed his booster seat. Well the kids see my daddy about 1 to 2 times a month and a lot of the time my step mother is around or he's preoccupied by something so they usually don't get a lot of 'Paw' time and today Brooke got just that some 'Paw' time.

Sweetest thing I've ever seen is my daddy loving on the miniature version of me. It's amazing that she looks just like me and I can see my daddy wanting to not make the mistakes with her that he made with me. It's wonderful that my children have so much love around them, I know that with the impending future of what will most definitely happen between my ex-in-laws and myself is going to be huge and I just want my children to always feel loved & safe, no matter what.

So Ethan was a gem at the doctor weighing in at a wopping 18lbs 14oz. at only 9 months, which is the 75th percentile. That does sound big, but compared to my older two at that age he is actually small. Everything else came within range and the doctor only said he was big because he was getting plenty of milk, most babies by his age are not nursing as much so it's good that he weighs what he does to be breastfed.

What did I learn today?? I learned that as hard as it is and always will be to raise these children alone there will NEVER be anything else in my life as rewarding as the love they give me in return. I know that I'm not supermom and won't contend to be, however, I will strive to be the best I can knowing that I will struggle, fall, and make mistakes  but that my children will never go without...never be harmed...and always be LOVED!!

Here is Ethan awaiting to go into the doctor's, they were going to give him shots today, but since he was already *crazy ill, I decided to wait until January...which the nurse said was fine, since they were not really necessary until his 12 month.


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